Today was a beginning and an ending. It sunk in as I was leaving church after the service that I was really leaving - leaving this place, these people, this community, my church, job friends... almost everything. I've been trying to pare down my attachment to material possessions, which has been a simultaneously difficult and rewarding process... but once you remove your attachment to things, you realize that what you really value are relationships, and that makes leaving those behind more difficult than ever. People form a much stronger bond than possessions (at least, they should).

As I've been moving my stuff, packing, running errands and tying up loose ends, I've been overwhelmed with a sense of - loneliness? No, not quite that... not really solitude, either. It's like everything is falling away, leaving me face to face with (gulp) myself. And I'm not sure I am who I think I am. That's one of my goals for this summer, to dive into the depths of who I am, and hold that up in comparison to who I'm meant to be. I've been filled with doubts as to why I'm leaving - am I forsaking my true calling and identity here to chase after some fleeting pipe dreams? I don't think that's the case, but I have to ask that type of question.

As I ponder why I feel the desire to travel, to serve overseas in Norway and Latvia, to indulge my over-realized sense of wanderlust, I've been struck by the thought that perhaps my love for "home," for the people and places I've come to know and love here in Maine, frees me to travel. Maybe I love to wander far and wide not only for the immediate pleasures, experiences and excitement that travel affords, but perhaps what I ultimately crave is the sensation of coming home. I think that what makes this summer especially ripe for conflicted emotions is that I don't know exactly what (or where) "home" will be once I return to America. Where will I live? Where will I work? What will my commute be like? Will Patrick ever find his Purpose? God, prepare me for this summer - ready my heart, my mind, my soul, my body. Mold me, stretch me, make me grow. Light a desire in me for my true home with you, a longing for life as it was meant to be.